Feeling Down Today


I have been left my Kids dad now for a little over a year, (was a year in jan 2013).. I feel i have managed well although it has had to be a year on benefits but i do also work part time, but this is not enough to support me and my 2 boys.. 

I had to seek benefits to help me find and live in a rented house, I get carers allowance as my son has a disability plus the benefits for kids and income support, all these Benefits i am entitled due to not earning enough my self now owning my own house as the place i lived in was my kids dads..  so i came away without anything.. 

he does support his kids so not knocking that but i hate the whole benefits system..  the more i try to work the more i get taken away from me, which is right in a away but it feels that actually take away more than you are earning.. 

If people could earn more in wages than  people got on benefits or the bills were not so high, food prices lowered it would all help people look for work,,  

I love my part time job,  but if i went for more hours, both carers and IS would stop,, i would be charged for after school care for youngest although these days you can get a benefit for working to help pay but its never much,,  

I would love to work and earn my own money to pay my own rent, have holidays, but feel as a single mum of 2 this is now way out of my league esp as i have a son with a disability,, and once he leaves college he rightly becomes a adult (so off certain kids benefits) and if whether he can get a job or not or weather a wage or a non working benefit it will be classed as income into said house and mine will be reduced further,  as His is supposed is to be paid towards rent on the house that i rent,  seems so wrong for a child on a disability, But had we still been with their dad there would never be any of this at all as he owned his house, we both worked..

Although i am a happier person since a unhealthy relationship broke up I hate the fact i have to claim benefits,  but can’t see a way out of it either, or am i thinking too much into it.. the System is there to help people when needed but also those who really need it seem to get Penalised as well.. 

I don’t want a relationship again as it scares me, that i could end up with nothing again..I will be ok tomorrow but for now i need to think as to what do with my life to earn enough to get me totally off benefits that does not affect my 6 year old son.. or my 18 year old son with a learning disability


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