Twitter


I just love Twitter, I did join up some years ago but never really got into it, but as FB (Facebook) seems to be dying a slow and painful death i have returned to twitter,, and it’s great, i know i do have some lovely friends who have found some stuff i say a little shocking if not very tarty, but I can be me, and most of the people there are total strangers who follow me and i follow back.. and No one juges me for the things i say, there is a side to me that has been hidden for many years and since therapy i have chilled and relaxed a little.. Does it matter if i get my boobs out for Charity, or tweet to some very handsome men or very pretty ladies and have a great laugh.. there is no reason why i should think about what others think about the stuff i write,, so for now i will just carry on being me as i like it.. if you want to follow me then go here and add me

By Debbie

A difference in me

well not sure what’s happened to me really, but i feel really good and very positive that i can shake this negative side away.. I have so much more confidence which is really good, i mean i could never strike up a conversation with a total stranger, but i have done a few times now and it feels good, i am loosing more weight which is great as it just makes me feel better and better about Me, and No one has the right to tell me that i look fat etc, in fact i know that i am pretty and sexy and its just starting to sink into my brain.. and i am beginning to accept it.. But it’s taken time:)

By Debbie

More Positive Posting

Charlie is settling well into College life, he was working with sheep today, mind you he was nervous this morning about doing it, as he has never worked with any farm animals at all, but it moved sheep from one field to another, helped shave sheeps bums and tails to keep them clean from flies, got to play with a sheep dog, and loving it, previous days his done some tractor driving, and welding.. so fingers crossed he continues to settle into this course well..

Josh on a lighter note is a cheeky little boys, whos always answering me back, frowning just like his dad, and telling me that god has the whole world in his hands, by this i mean the hymm

1. He´s got the whole world in His hands,
|: He´s got the whole world in His hands, 😐
He´s got the whole world in His hands.

2. He´s got the wind and the rain in His hands,
|: He´s got the wind and the rain in His hands, 😐
He´s got the whole world in His hands.

3. He´s got the the tiny little baby in His hands,
|: He´s got the the tiny little baby in His hands, 😐
He´s got the whole world in His hands.

4. He´s got you and me, brother, in His hands,
|: He´s got you and me, brother, in His hands, 😐
He´s got the whole world in His hands.

5. He’s got ev’rybody here in His hands.
|: He’s got ev’rybody here in His hands. 😐
He’s got the whole world in His hands.

——————————————————————————–

1. He´s got the whole world in His hands,
|: He´s got the whole world in His hands, 😐
He´s got the whole world in His hands.
He’s got the earth and sky in his hands;
He’s got the night and day in his hands;
He’s got the sun and moon in his hands;
He´s got the whole world in His hands.

2. He´s got the whole world in His hands,
|: He´s got the whole world in His hands, 😐
He´s got the whole world in His hands.
He’s got the land and sea in his hands;
He’s got the wind and rain in his hands;
He’s got the spring and fall in his hands;
He´s got the whole world in His hands.

3. He´s got the whole world in His hands,
|: He´s got the whole world in His hands, 😐
He´s got the whole world in His hands.
He’s got the young and old in his hands;
He’s got the rich and poor in his hands;
Yes, he’s got ev’ry one in his hands;
He´s got the whole world in His hands.

He´s got the whole world in His hands,
|: He´s got the whole world in His hands, 😐
He´s got the whole world in His hands.

so no guesses as to what has been stuck in my head all afternoon and evening..

By Debbie

Reumination

ok its a long word for me and one i didn’t understand until a couple of weeks ago, see what Wikipedia says here .. its basically where you go over and over things in a vicious circle in your head most of which are all negative emotions.

Since my CBT sessions started about 6-7 weeks ago but been 5 times and 1 phone call i have learnt over the years i have become a habitual ruminator.. It’s a horrid thing to have, but can be made worse in certian situations, I know for many years that i have kinda been unhappy but never really knew why, put it down to lots of things to do with me or my partner, but a series of events in my Child hood has lead to my future of most things being negative and mostly my fault.

I have been living with this great guy and I know he is, for the past 26 years, I met him when i was 15 and he was 17, were been engaged 22 years now, but we have ended up in circles countless times.

we have blamed it on all sorts of things even having a son born with CHD, partner building a home, outside factors with family members all sorts, but with me having my panic attack at the drs lots has come out, mostly my past but i do have this negativity now in the present and i dont want it in my furture..

Now this man i live with, his a typical country lad, worked on a farm since he was 14, but his Childhood was far far worse than mine, parents split up when he was 18 months old, his sisters 6-7 years older than him were the care givers as mum worked, so any loving he got was sisterly love, never motherly or father, and never experience partental love like seeing his parents cuddle like I did, his father was also a bad man but wont bput on here why.. so as a result this lad i live with has issues, and is emotionless, tactless when is comes to talking as he cannot and wont open up, wont tell me much at all.. but recently we did have a talk i needed some reassuance that were were ok, this happens when you have a negative mind, but when you don’t get the reassuance it gets upsetting, its not his fault or mine, but between him being tactless in saying things how he feels, and me jumping to conculsions i had it in my head that he wanted our relationship to end., Although he never said that at all thats my mind jumping to the conclusion and this circulating my mind in a spiral.. I am being taught different mind games of distraction like doing something else, breathing excercises, listening to music to focus the mind,..

But after speaking with theapist yesterday she reassured me that although us talking did not actually reach any conclusion about us safe in our relationship, he does love me in his own way he can show even if it appears cold to me he does love me and struggles to show it, but he opened up that he has deep issue that he may need to talk to someone about.. I want to help him as i think if he address’s his issues as well as me, then i think we can move on a little better, but i am not allowed to be pushy, all i can do is say to him maybe in a few weeks time (as he as only addressed his issues) that i have a number he can use to do a self referal, thus bypassing any dr, but for now i will continue with my therapy and talking, also my mind altering thoughts this may help my partner too, his willing to listen which is good and the therapist say’s that my partners wants me to carry on talking, yes its going to be hard some days but it will get better i am sure..

By Debbie

Thank-you


Many thanks to those who took the time to fill in my poll, its aim is to help me understand that anxiety is Normal, but people do have different reasons for their anxiety, but also when its good to be anxious and not so good. Also some people don’t care what others like either, when i have hidden my anxiety for years and its been a bad thing in my family to show your worries, as both my parents and grand-parents on both sides hid any worries from us kids very well, sometimes it was good to hide it other times it best to be open with it..

I go later today to see my therapist so will let you know how it’s gone

By Debbie

More Info

Ok my poll may not be the right thing but its helping a bit but i didn’t realise you could only tick one box, if you do or do not suffer with anxiety please e-mail me on debbieware87@googlemail.com as to whether it bothers you, or what others think of you because of it, many thanks Debbie

By Debbie

Polls

I have done 2 polls which i need some answers for for Monday to help with my CBT (cognigtive Behaviorial Therapy,, please can you help me out here.
Anxiety/Nervousness

Select an option:

Do you suffer with anxiety/nervousness
does it bother you
do you care what others think of your anxiety/nervousness
if you dont suffer with any anxiety do things like exams get to you

Results

and this one

What makes you Anxious/Nervous

Select an option:

Spiders
snakes
exams/tests
robots
clowns
buttons
speaking to strangers
interviews
Other
Nothing

Results
By Debbie

Things are on the up

Never really know how to start my blog but here goes, things with CBT are going rather well, as in me getting a little more assertive with people, but it is also very scary time for me too, i have been stuck in the passive for so long that to think of different ways or to tell people how you really feel is quite hard, and at times i find my brain does this magic trick with me and makes pretty flashing lights inside my brain when i try to sleep, rather like its making new connections or something, also things have been hidden for so long i am now facing them,, the downside is my partner is not too keen on a more vocal me but he did say last night that he may not like some things i say but its his problem and not mine, and if it helps me to tell him what i feel or think then its better for me just to say it even if he dont like it, but i have noticed that his been sighing lots just lately..

oh and what is assertiveness, see this PDF here it makes some tough reading sometimes

I have also started a maths course for adults, its called Brush up on your maths run by the local colleges/councils I have been put in for a level 2 City and Guilds and yes i know i can do this level, and its very good to know that my brain is still working and not just baby mush that i first thought. But i do know i need to do a English course too.. so will start looking soon..

Charlie is settling well into college life although it is a rather long day for him and his totally shattered at the end of the day but its doing him the world of good..

By Debbie