Hidden Disabilities

One of my pet hates is the lack of understanding from people about hidden disabilities.. its not really their fault that they don’t understand cause no one has taught then and they may not have gone through it themselves..I am the first to admit that before children i didn’t know much more that dyslexia..  

But since having had 2 children and one of them needing open heart surgery as a tiny 7.5 week old baby.. and suffering oxygen loss prior to surgery or some damage through bypass machine or the fact i had group strep B undiagnosed in pregnancy.. i did have it for no 2 child so they say i did with no 1 as well.. 

my baby did have a very visual scar which was in his chest.. top to bottom  which is not nice but over the years you get used to it and find it odd seeing a child without one.. My oldest has struggled with his education since he started school..  it is in a previous blog.. but he had trouble with short term memory, reading, writing, coordination ect but with the help of the LEA he has support throughout school, even now at college..  

With my son some people even those close (cant mention names) don’t understand..  when he got to driving age, it rang alarm bells,.but whilst is nice for everyone to be able to drive my son found it very difficult to learn,, and dispite lots of disagreements for a close relative my poor son is now being referred to a medical dr to see if there are any tablets that can help with concentration and memory.. my son would prefer the drs to say No you can’t drive just so he can show said relative..  

for someone who’s concentration wonders some what and can forget what his doing if distracted.. in a car is a place he should not be.. but what ever i think we are doing the right way of finding out whats best…. but even family members are quick to judge that could you look like you can do anything always expect you too.. but its not the case..  my son still struggles with reading and writing, but with help, he has got through school and college and i am very proud of him for what he has achieved over the years.. just wish people would’t just assume..  even if that person is flesh and blood/

Reflection

Reflection,, or probably reflecting.. its something i do from time to time, maybe its a good thing to reflect on things past, somethings are good some not so good.. but since i found myself a single mum at the beginning of last year its something i have done a far bit, not weekly or monthly but at times when i am on my own, which to be fair is not that often.. but i think it is helping me quite alot…  

Yes sometimes i get upset at the fact my relationship did not last, but we gave it our best shot, over 20 years, we never married but may in hindsight that is a good thing as No Divorce to go through.. the things i think are more of trying to work out where it went wrong, but there are lots of little tiny things over the years but nothing a great deal but we mainly grew apart, there is nothing i could have done to prevent that, i was always trying to change to make sure everything was good, but deep down the more i reflect i think the less we had in common.. in the early days there were lots, but as we grew older we stopped doing the things we had in common and we ended up doing our own things in the end,, me with the children mostly, working, various clubs with the oldest,.. and he worked,, but it doesn’t really matter to be honest.. because it was a relationship that was going to fail from the beginning as the other party never really wanted the relationship side of things, but more of a mother/sister figure which was fine until the children came along then i think it all fell apart, especially when you have one with a disability, stresses change and the whole relationship changed… if we hadn’t had parted now it may have happened when kids grew older only cause it is probably the kids we had in common which is really sad… 

I feel much happier in the fact that i can now move on with a new life or well a different life, my life for me and my kids, doing the things that make me happy and by boys and not me making everyone happy except the person that counts,.,.Me.. 

Me is Happy, Me Is Moving on in concentrating on me right now,, getting fitter for my health and loosing some weight for my own medical reasons, and so far things are going well.. there are times when i think why me, why us, but i am not alone in the world of singledom.. and i won’t be the last either,, but i will carry one with the reflecting but not in a bad nasty fed up way but in a good way…thinking ahead to the good times too that may be laying round the next corner..I of course have no idea as to what that may be but i know it will be good.. Image

Hidden Disabilities

I was reading a fellow bloggers http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/02/03/defining-a-moment-of-individual-kindness earlier today,, and felt i should write my own,,

I have been a mum for the past 17 nearly 18 years but and a carer ever since really but only officially for the past 5 years..

My Son was born supposedly a healthy baby boy, but this turned some weeks later into a life threatening congenital heart condition, now my son ended up having open heart sugery some weeks later to save his life, without he would not be here pure and simple.. so my son became a member of the zipper club as a tiny baby and yes done well heart wise for some years, he has his problems hence the fact he has DLA and me Carers now i am not in full time work,  infact in you work full time you’re still a carer but don’t paid… Anyway for many many years as a mum to a child who has gone through 8 hours of surgery, and has a visual scar that is hidden to the world unless at a swimming pool ect.  NO on see’s it… well roll back a few years and something happened to a family member,, another birth defect but a visual one on the outside but not life threatening although if left then some nasty things could have happened but to this day no surgery has had to take place.. I said something very evil i suppose and said however upsetting its nothing compared to what my son went through.  Oh did i get slated, you have no idea of what its like, you have no visual to show,, at this point i did wonder what the 5 inch scar was that i saw every day, i am sure it was to remind me of something,,  well the said child was given treatment for defect and all is ok now,

On the other hand,. my son still has his scar and needs but to others cause on the outside he looks healthy and normal i do get lots of comments like how come you get DLA he looks fine, or you say stuff like he had heart surgery as a baby,,, you get but his ok now right, he looks ok,,

Just in case you hadn’t realised the heart is on the inside of the body , learning needs are on the inside on the body, memory delay is on the inside of the body.. NO ONE but yourself as a parent and a patient plus medical professions know that its there because its Hidden you can’t see it there is no visual…

I am naturally a kind caring person, and worked in a shop when younger and i came across loads of people with disabilities mostly visual like you do, blindness, deafness, physical disability and they were all people with feelings, but i never considered the hidden disability until i had my own child with his own hidden disability.

I see people differently now, i never judge anyone, because you just don’t know what they are going through in their own lives.

Apart from my son who has chd and learning needs, i know 2 people now with chronic pain, several people with depression the odd anxious person who has panic attacks ( i have had them ) they are all hidden, aspergers/autism ,

I ask you never you just to think for a moment before you  open your mouth as you may as well be hurting someones feeling who does not know how to deal with them due to there hidden disability,, and treat those who do have a visual disability with the utmostof respect and never be little them, if there adult talk to them like one, if there a child speak to them like a child..  Image