Found my Blog

06-04-2014found_logo

Well after taking a break and a new laptop i had totally forgotten that i had a wordpress blog.. but now i found my passwords and now i am back ūüôā ¬† I started it ages ago when ¬†my life took a different path that what i had planned for it.. ¬†I did have a nice little audience who read my pages, which was nice….

I have lots of things to write about, from how my life is going now, the things i have done, stuff that worries me too i guess..  plus many more,  if you are still there thank you and if you have found me then hello

 

By Debbie

A Bit Worried

February can be a bit of a hard month for me,¬† and this Feb especially the beginning is no different to any other Feb except i have a great man there for me when i need that hug or cheering up.,, my eldest will be 20 in the early part of Feb which is amazing, cause if you have read my blogs before you you will know he had open heart surgery when he was 7 weeks old,¬† but Feb is the start of it, and it always takes me back, but this is not what i am worried about,, as part of my sons medical care he is having a Exercise test done on the 10th of Feb in London, this always worries me as to what they discover but he has had great results so far but does have blood pressure as a result of his surgery… I am sure all will be fine, but a shame to be so close to his birthday too…

on the 12th of Feb it’s my turn for Surgery, I have a umbilical hernia, it was discovered a year ago and now its quite tender and painful,¬† making it hard to eat anything¬† now,¬† but i am very worried about this up and coming surgery.. I do have a real diagnosed pain phobia, so i have to make ways of distracting myself until its over and done with and the worst day will be op day i know, lots of waiting about.. I did tell the Nurse i have a pain phobia so hopefully i wont see the needle or anything,¬† and i will enjoy the long sleep and then wake up and recover and go home that evening..¬† i know it will be painful and the stomach will be filled with air,¬† so i need to mentally prepare for lots of things.. I will be staying with my mum so she will make sure i am ok,¬† may be get to go away with my fella too if i feel ok but that will be decided at the time.. Dad says no, eldest son says no so i may be over ruled..

In the meantime i need to buy pain relief and neurofen and something called peppermint water…need to look for that. But i will ask if any readers have had Keyhole for a Umbilical Hernia then please do give me any information. I do intend to take a small cross stitch to the hospital and my mums and my laptop although i wont be able to use the net in the hospital but that will be my trusty mobile for that..

Its getting late now so i will say night night and be back tomorrow or a few days

What a lovely day

 

Here in the UK parts of the country had snow, some more than others, where i live we have about 3 inches which is enough to cause trouble..¬† I live in a rural area so cars had trouble getting in and out of the village, and journeys took twice as long,, I must admit it looked very pretty with snow on the trees down the road side, but sadly i couldn’t stop to take photos… I spent the day with my parents and eldest, so a little trip into town, the odd purchase and a haircut but the all important coffee with mum.. It’s always nice spending my weekly couple of hours with mum but as it was my day off from work i was with her¬† and dad for lunch too.. but the day was marred somewhat by a couple of sad moments, some person in a invalid scooter hit a car and upturned his scooter in the road and was clearly hurt and taken to hospital, then the idiot driver behind me coming into our village at 5pm this evening, its a long windy road and slushy ice in most parts but clear in others so i managed a reasonable 50mph for the conditions and type of road until i had to slow right down thanks to a muntjac¬† deer standing still on the road so the said idiot behind me flashed their lights.. i did see the deer so didn’t slam my brakes at all, just steadly slowed down to about 30 before the deer moved,, then over took me only to slam on their brakes infront of me due to parked cars,,¬† i won’t be bullied in the car by anyone ,,¬† i wasn’t slow, roads were horrid and i didn’t want to total my car and injure my kids or hit a deer..¬† You my friend are a arse…a accident waiting to happen..

By Debbie

Past Few Months

10931441_10153091817814276_747472779393274396_n¬†¬† Back in October 2013 I Joined up with Slimming World to support my mum in loosing some weight, it started well with me getting slimmer of the week most weeks and slimmer of the month a few times well by the following June 2014 i had lost 3 stone and got to target as i how not met a great man and my mind couldn’t really concentrate on healthy eating plan, a change of life at weekends and a new man too boot, so i made 12st 7 my target weight,¬† i do have some new health issues that are¬† being dealt with and i have been around target be it 3 or 4 lb higher then back down again since june,, so doing really well,¬† and just before before Christmas this year i was nominated Miss Slinky at my group and won, pretty chuffed i was.. Right now i am staying at this target as i am having a op in 2 weeks time just before valentines day, i know its just a date for some people but its the first with my fella and i wanted it to be special, but my health is important but its still made me very sad…¬† but after my op i am thinking about going down another stone but i will aim to get better first..¬† but i will do my level best to continue where i am whilst recovering…. so watch this space…

Wow Wow Wow My life has some what changed

happyWell Hello everybody,¬† I just visited my site as i now have a nice new laptop so i can site with my kids on the sofa,¬† so i thought i would have a look at my blog,¬† blimey How sad was I,¬†¬† I have not been on here for 10 months i guess,¬† 8th March Last year,¬†¬† well I can tell you things have changed so much for me its unreal, but it’s very real and i am very happy…..

Where to do i begin? What should i say,,

Well back in Feb or March last year i made the conscious decision to remain single, ok i admit i would be hard not having a companion to share and do stuff with but i figured in females in my family like my aunt or my nan managed alone then so could I,¬† i must have put my foot in my mouth that moment..¬† Me and my boys we carrying on as Normal, going out doing stuff together, youngest was seeing his dad on a regular basis and we were in routine,, Happy Probably not but coping.¬† The reason i said i would stay single is that the couple of men i did have were users,¬† only there for one thing their self esteem or the joy of hurting women,¬† well No more,¬† well so i thought……

I love Media its great especially facebook i use it alot… I have a few friends connected with Congenital heart defects, old school friends and friends in the steam engine world,¬† as well as the odd family so now and again I get new friends, well through a friend a old friend from way back found me and yes she is female and No its not her i am seeing but she is the reason I am no longer alone… you see there is a massive connection between me and this past friend, My father and her grandad knew one another through the steam engine world, as in my dad helped her grandad on a Steam Ploughing engine and after years we got talking of times gone past..¬† remembering fond memories and the question popped up as to the whereabouts of the engine her grandad once owned…¬† So i set to find out and thanks to Facebook it didn’t take long..

All i had to do was to put a post up on a steam ploughing website and my question was answered, and turns out the engine was not that far from me in the first place only an hour as the crow flies I thought, so i knew where is was,¬† the man who came forward didn’t own it himself but his father, i wont insert names as its not right to do so without permission,¬† this lovely man tried hard to show me a photo of the engine as it is now but as we were not friends it didn’t really go to plan,,¬† but what i did see was something so not remotely engine like but a kite Buggy.. which i did know of cause the son did power kiting and the ex used to kite buggy,,¬† but i love to watch its so graceful.. anyway i said that what i could see wasn’t a engine but a buggy and we got talking..¬† all very innocently about kiting and steam mostly talking about my son and the kites he had , hours later we had planned a date to meet this man to collect and item called a Donkey Dick Harness used for kite flying all very innocent like after I was staying single…..

It’s Odd how things develop cause i thought i had a stalker after a little while cause all my posts were being liked,, even the shite one pmsl but i found myself adding this new man and we got chatting, maybe me being to heavy or flirty i have no idea but we were chatting ages and found we had more in coming with each other that i ever did have with the kids dad,,¬† Odd really..¬† after meeting up to collect this thing for my son and yes my son came too, after all i am not into meeting strange men and this item was for my son but by mid week i had found myself inviting this man round for a local kiting event and maybe even a beach day,,¬† I was already going to do it so wasn’t a problem if he said no Nothing to loose right,,¬† i now realise I would have lost everything i have right now…. The Most amazing man in my life..¬† my life has changed beyond all recognition..¬† i think since may we have only had one weekend where we have not seen one another,¬† parents on both sides have been met and Brothers have been met and all seem to be ok,¬† my only fault i guess is writing too much rubbish on faeebook lol my life is on there probably,,

8 months now , never been happier and it’s getting better and better and so looking forward to future what ever that may hold.. But i know one thing He loves me for me, for who i am, and he makes me smile daily even though i don’t seem him every day he is there every day to chat too…¬† that really means something special to me..

More to follow and with pictures hopefully…

Feeling Low

I have been stuck in a vicious circle for a few days.. ¬†and not sure how to snap out of it.. despite having CBT counseling 2.5 years ago.. as you know i am single and have been 25 months now and yes it was the best thing to happen after 26 years.. ¬†but the person i had to leave is a controlling person whether he knows it or not.. ¬†now things were going ok when we first parted with regard to child payments.. ¬†but he hardly saw his children the first year as he ran off to work and he freely admits that to his GF.. ¬†but now his messing with the payments as one of the kids doesn’t want much to do with him right now after some stressful situations on the fathers part.. so now the payments have been stopped and only pays when he feels he needs to so could be a week late 2 weeks late and by time cheque clears its even later.. Sadly his started holding money to ransom so i don’t get it until i do something he wants like get said son speaking with him or wanting info on said son, but said son is now an adult so he said no,, and i am not going to go running to his father just to get my cheque..¬†

But now i feel low with my self for trusting that he would pay all the time on time like he promised,  why did i ever believe him after all he lied to me thats why we are single, the trust has gone.. and i have started to get my anxiety back, my panic attacks as well as mood swings,  why oh why when he has moved on with a New GF living with him, a new dog, his own company, will he not allow me to be happy and get on with my life.. i feel totally stuck again, its as if i am back there living with him,, why does he want to control my life.. Image, 

My Piggy bank

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Hello All, not sure about you guys out there, but I do love to get time alone to just relax and Chill, whilst some may think that would be a walk, or a nice soak in the back, for me its getting creative…in my home town we have a place called The Kiln¬†when you can go in, choose some pottery of your choice,, ok you need to pay for it and a studio fee,, but you get to paint your item in anyway you like.. over the past 2 years my children and i have done quite a few items.. ¬†sometimes it’s cause i can’t afford a holiday so i treat them another way.. ¬†But last Friday i went alone,, no children on my day off and it was bliss… ¬†not that’s its not bliss with my children, but quieter mid week on school days.. so there was me and a about 3 others in the shop that afternoon.. ¬†and the piggy you can see is the finished item,, after he has been painted and glazed.. I collected him today and i am soooo pleased at how he has turned out,, ¬†let me know what you think…

Hidden Disabilities

One of my pet hates is the lack of understanding from people about hidden disabilities.. its not really their fault that they don’t understand cause no one has taught then and they may not have gone through it themselves..I am the first to admit that before children i didn’t know much more that dyslexia.. ¬†

But since having had 2 children and one of them needing open heart surgery as a tiny 7.5 week old baby.. and suffering oxygen loss prior to surgery or some damage through bypass machine or the fact i had group strep B undiagnosed in pregnancy.. i did have it for no 2 child so they say i did with no 1 as well.. 

my baby did have a very visual scar which was in his chest.. top to bottom  which is not nice but over the years you get used to it and find it odd seeing a child without one.. My oldest has struggled with his education since he started school..  it is in a previous blog.. but he had trouble with short term memory, reading, writing, coordination ect but with the help of the LEA he has support throughout school, even now at college..  

With my son some people even those close (cant mention names) don’t understand.. ¬†when he got to driving age, it rang alarm bells,.but whilst is nice for everyone to be able to drive my son found it very difficult to learn,, and dispite lots of disagreements for a close relative my poor son is now being referred to a medical dr to see if there are any tablets that can help with concentration and memory.. my son would prefer the drs to say No you can’t drive just so he can show said relative.. ¬†

for someone who’s concentration wonders some what and can forget what his doing if distracted.. in a car is a place he should not be.. but what ever i think we are doing the right way of finding out whats best…. but even family members are quick to judge that could you look like you can do anything always expect you too.. but its not the case.. ¬†my son still struggles with reading and writing, but with help, he has got through school and college and i am very proud of him for what he has achieved over the years.. just wish people would’t just assume.. ¬†even if that person is flesh and blood/

Back to blogging hopefully

Hello everyone, Sorry i kind of disappeared for a while.. but i either had nothing worth writing about, was fed up. things got on top of me, ¬†but i hid myself from blogging for a bit.. ¬†I am still me.. still a single mum but things got on top of me for a while.. ¬†money gets tight from time to time but its life’s ups and downs..

For those who don’t know me i am a little crackers, very truthful and suffer with anxiety amongst other things…i have 2 boys,, i age 19 the other 7.5 years old..(must remember the half).. If i still have followers thank you.. ¬†

Back in the end of October i decided to something for myself, or for my health and something i was in control of.. I decided to join my mum and loose some weight after having a few hip joint pain after all i had been single for well over 18 months so no more time to dwell on the past and move forward..  

so like my mum i approached the Dr first to see what the best method was.. ¬†and i was reffered to a slimming group.. called ¬†slimming world. ¬†so i went along to my local group.. ¬†its a bit daunting getting on Imagethe scales and not knowing what you way but know that in the drs eyes you are obese.. it was not too bad but i started out at 15st 7lb (not as big as i had been before my hysterectomy 3 years before,, i was given a little talk about the plan, which is a healthy eating plan for life and not a diet.. ¬†I thought i can do this, ¬†you can eat certain foods free but syn naughty foods like crisps and chocolate.. ¬†I got home, read the book, and re read the book and managed to work out what to do and what to eat,, and in the first week i had lost 4lb,, pretty pleased i was.. i had set a interim target to loose 2st so now i was on my way.. ¬†i am not saying its that easy to loose weight cause its not but the first week on any weight lose plan you loose a fair bit.. the 2nd week was a lot less but i had meals out ect.. the reality is learning what to eat, the healthier restaurant to eat in or at least know what you want before going,, but it’s not always possible to choose before you go,, ¬†

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I am 23 weeks into the programme and i have lost 1st 12.5lb so 1.5lb to go for my first 2 stone..  the journey has been up and down with medical issues with me.. (explain later) also my mum breaking her arm over new year, but pleased to say she is mending well..  

My oldest is still at college but hopefully will do well in his exams that i think he is working on now..  my youngest one  his a monkey and trying to ruie the household at mo,, but his a lovely little boy..  

I have put up 2 photos of me ..1 is before the weight loss journey and the other was 2 weeks ago..can’t believe the difference

By Debbie

The Sneaky Thief

Hello again,  a slightly off topic today..   

Years ago when i was about 14 i got my first Saturday job, this was working in a shop for a well known pork pie firm who had a chain of delicatessents..  And this set in place my love for working around people i was there for about 12 months when a job came up in the local village shop to where i lived with my parents..  and it was a shop that had everything the customer wanted, and even a butchers too plus a chain of 3 shops.. in time i was one of those girls that could do anything her boss requested..  i was never a manager but i was put in some shops to make sure the managers were doing thier jobs, in effect a grass but i pulled my weight too, and one reason i suffer now with a bad back, carrying sacks of potatoes to customers cars or bags of pet foods by the sack load,,  There was no sack barrow for me just my shoulders to carry the stuff the other girls would or could not carry,,  

But a part of my job was to watch for thieves,, and yes there was many, the type of thief were all very different, from high class pilots stealing alcohol to a poor person stealing a 50p car sponge,  but we had to spot these people and think a few slipped through the net..  

moving on a few years to now, i have worked in catering in bushiness’s to a school dinner lady in the playground, but one thing i have noticed is i ¬†still watch people when i am out in the supermarket..¬†

Last night after a early meal out with my son over at¬†http://charliespicsandme.wordpress.com/¬†when i thought i better do some food shopping.. ¬†So we pop into a well known supermarket do i shop and go to the checkouts, now in front of me was a young couple with a trolley busting with stuff in fact it was to the tune of ¬£123 quid, the thing is i noticed in the front section of the trolley was a Item of something that was clearly being hidden by a coat.. ¬†now the coat was covering the front and the top section ¬†of trolley so the cashier could not see there was more stuff in the trolley to be paid for…¬†

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My first thought was to tell them they had forgotten something or to tell the cashier afterwards, ¬†but then again it may have been something they had bought with them into the shop but i doubt it and i didn’t say a word.. ¬†they did spend a lot of money in the shop but that really is not the point.. ¬†not sure if i did the right thing or not by keeping quiet but it was not my job to say anything, ¬†the shop security should notice even the lady on the till should ask can you left your coat to check just to make sure you not forgotten anything..¬†

the question is what would you have done? was i right or wrong not to say anything?