Feeling Low

I have been stuck in a vicious circle for a few days..  and not sure how to snap out of it.. despite having CBT counseling 2.5 years ago.. as you know i am single and have been 25 months now and yes it was the best thing to happen after 26 years..  but the person i had to leave is a controlling person whether he knows it or not..  now things were going ok when we first parted with regard to child payments..  but he hardly saw his children the first year as he ran off to work and he freely admits that to his GF..  but now his messing with the payments as one of the kids doesn’t want much to do with him right now after some stressful situations on the fathers part.. so now the payments have been stopped and only pays when he feels he needs to so could be a week late 2 weeks late and by time cheque clears its even later.. Sadly his started holding money to ransom so i don’t get it until i do something he wants like get said son speaking with him or wanting info on said son, but said son is now an adult so he said no,, and i am not going to go running to his father just to get my cheque.. 

But now i feel low with my self for trusting that he would pay all the time on time like he promised,  why did i ever believe him after all he lied to me thats why we are single, the trust has gone.. and i have started to get my anxiety back, my panic attacks as well as mood swings,  why oh why when he has moved on with a New GF living with him, a new dog, his own company, will he not allow me to be happy and get on with my life.. i feel totally stuck again, its as if i am back there living with him,, why does he want to control my life.. Image

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My Piggy bank

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Hello All, not sure about you guys out there, but I do love to get time alone to just relax and Chill, whilst some may think that would be a walk, or a nice soak in the back, for me its getting creative…in my home town we have a place called The Kiln when you can go in, choose some pottery of your choice,, ok you need to pay for it and a studio fee,, but you get to paint your item in anyway you like.. over the past 2 years my children and i have done quite a few items..  sometimes it’s cause i can’t afford a holiday so i treat them another way..  But last Friday i went alone,, no children on my day off and it was bliss…  not that’s its not bliss with my children, but quieter mid week on school days.. so there was me and a about 3 others in the shop that afternoon..  and the piggy you can see is the finished item,, after he has been painted and glazed.. I collected him today and i am soooo pleased at how he has turned out,,  let me know what you think…

Hidden Disabilities

One of my pet hates is the lack of understanding from people about hidden disabilities.. its not really their fault that they don’t understand cause no one has taught then and they may not have gone through it themselves..I am the first to admit that before children i didn’t know much more that dyslexia..  

But since having had 2 children and one of them needing open heart surgery as a tiny 7.5 week old baby.. and suffering oxygen loss prior to surgery or some damage through bypass machine or the fact i had group strep B undiagnosed in pregnancy.. i did have it for no 2 child so they say i did with no 1 as well.. 

my baby did have a very visual scar which was in his chest.. top to bottom  which is not nice but over the years you get used to it and find it odd seeing a child without one.. My oldest has struggled with his education since he started school..  it is in a previous blog.. but he had trouble with short term memory, reading, writing, coordination ect but with the help of the LEA he has support throughout school, even now at college..  

With my son some people even those close (cant mention names) don’t understand..  when he got to driving age, it rang alarm bells,.but whilst is nice for everyone to be able to drive my son found it very difficult to learn,, and dispite lots of disagreements for a close relative my poor son is now being referred to a medical dr to see if there are any tablets that can help with concentration and memory.. my son would prefer the drs to say No you can’t drive just so he can show said relative..  

for someone who’s concentration wonders some what and can forget what his doing if distracted.. in a car is a place he should not be.. but what ever i think we are doing the right way of finding out whats best…. but even family members are quick to judge that could you look like you can do anything always expect you too.. but its not the case..  my son still struggles with reading and writing, but with help, he has got through school and college and i am very proud of him for what he has achieved over the years.. just wish people would’t just assume..  even if that person is flesh and blood/

Back to blogging hopefully

Hello everyone, Sorry i kind of disappeared for a while.. but i either had nothing worth writing about, was fed up. things got on top of me,  but i hid myself from blogging for a bit..  I am still me.. still a single mum but things got on top of me for a while..  money gets tight from time to time but its life’s ups and downs..

For those who don’t know me i am a little crackers, very truthful and suffer with anxiety amongst other things…i have 2 boys,, i age 19 the other 7.5 years old..(must remember the half).. If i still have followers thank you..  

Back in the end of October i decided to something for myself, or for my health and something i was in control of.. I decided to join my mum and loose some weight after having a few hip joint pain after all i had been single for well over 18 months so no more time to dwell on the past and move forward..  

so like my mum i approached the Dr first to see what the best method was..  and i was reffered to a slimming group.. called  slimming world.  so i went along to my local group..  its a bit daunting getting on Imagethe scales and not knowing what you way but know that in the drs eyes you are obese.. it was not too bad but i started out at 15st 7lb (not as big as i had been before my hysterectomy 3 years before,, i was given a little talk about the plan, which is a healthy eating plan for life and not a diet..  I thought i can do this,  you can eat certain foods free but syn naughty foods like crisps and chocolate..  I got home, read the book, and re read the book and managed to work out what to do and what to eat,, and in the first week i had lost 4lb,, pretty pleased i was.. i had set a interim target to loose 2st so now i was on my way..  i am not saying its that easy to loose weight cause its not but the first week on any weight lose plan you loose a fair bit.. the 2nd week was a lot less but i had meals out ect.. the reality is learning what to eat, the healthier restaurant to eat in or at least know what you want before going,, but it’s not always possible to choose before you go,,  

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I am 23 weeks into the programme and i have lost 1st 12.5lb so 1.5lb to go for my first 2 stone..  the journey has been up and down with medical issues with me.. (explain later) also my mum breaking her arm over new year, but pleased to say she is mending well..  

My oldest is still at college but hopefully will do well in his exams that i think he is working on now..  my youngest one  his a monkey and trying to ruie the household at mo,, but his a lovely little boy..  

I have put up 2 photos of me ..1 is before the weight loss journey and the other was 2 weeks ago..can’t believe the difference

By Debbie