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HI There, 

Still a little new to this as i am used to using blogspot, but i have been told that my posts are not getting to my followers,  well follower as it that new,  its not really out there yet,  well it is but not that many have found it…  well Shaun let me know if this gets to your inbox, if so i have done the settings right, if not i will have to start again lol

Very Inspired blogger 2013 Award

well i have just see this award

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from http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/ which i thank you for very much Shaun,,. was a total surprise and had no idea i inspired you at all or anyone for that matter..

and i don’t know many other bloggers on wordpress yet  to be honest.. although i have been blogging on Blogspot for some while, like 2 years but moved on to word press to give it ago..

I love to blog when i can being it stupid stuff waffling along or serious stuff either way i feel its good to offload your mind sometimes so that’s way i blog..

so somethings about me

1) single mum of 2 boys on of which has special needs

2) I love Social media,

3) Love Photography

4) I Have a caring nature which can and does get abused

5) I suffer with Panic attacks and have had CBT Therapy for

6) I have a pain Phobia

7) I hate Bullies

I am going to pass this blogger to 2 people that i know on here

http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/

http://rafairman.wordpress.com/

They both inspire me in very different ways..  but also these to bloggers are very similar too..

Thanks Guys

Opening up

I decided today to not hide my face on here, it may be a little risky but it’s my blog and i will be proud too be the owner of it, so if you can see a pic instead of a cartoon then that’s me

By Debbie

Family Tree Research

Hi All, yes i know its been a while, but i have been a little busy of late.. with school, work and also school Hols this week.. Yesterday I had a day to myself. that’s not to rare on a Friday but it was a school holiday and that is rare.. So i decided to do some research into my family tree, and this involved me going to a records office in the next county, so was about an hours drive away.. I am at the moment doing research into my dads parents side of the family, both Maternal (mums side) and Paternal (dads side) of his family,, i do have a fair bit of research on his dads mums (my grandad’s mums side) so i was continuing on the male side the paternal side, my dads dad.. (My granddad’s dad) i did know a little bit about him some time again after some research i had done years ago, but then i came to a stumbling block called Time Closure.. some records that are sent to the records office are not allowed to be viewed for 75 to 100 years from a certain date.. so i had to be patient and just carried on with other members of the family tree, I have done my kids dads side (as he was my partner for 26 years and did a lot of it for him and for my kids as they have his name) then i started my side, first i did my mums, which i found living cousins, that she never knew she had, plus places relatives lived ect but what i do find interest is my dads side, i have a connection, it’s My family name, i loved my grandad and sense he is with me now even though his been dead some 32 years, but i feel he has looked after me and my family so i wanted to find his parents for him, now i found his mums grave and place of residence 2 years ago, i have her final resting place.. ect, but i was desperate to find where her husband was buried, my paternal gt granddad.. I have almost got there,, i know about his working life, and about his illness and about his death, i know what church he is buried at but at what plot i have no idea until i contact the right people,, may need the records office again or the church records them selves.. but time ran out and normal day resumed… Well when i got to the records office i had to provide evidence of who i was, and was given a readers record card.. this lasts 4 years so i can go to any records office and look at records,, and boy i have a lot to look for so will need it.. once booked it i was given some help in where and what to find what i needed, so first port of call was the work my gt granddad did, and he was a police Constable and i already knew that, but to actually have a book in front of me with his Job application and his work and pay history was kind of unreal.. the emotions that went through me where OMG poor man,, and wow he really did exist, he was a real person.. but his work life was vary sad, which made me sad.. my great granddad never made it about constable level 3 the basic level well he did make 1 several times but then got demoted again, and this was because he was an alcoholic, drunk on duty and this went on for 27 years.. he got fined, demoted, raised and promoted only to be demoted and find, he was also moved from village to village but there was always a pub and always drunk,… he was forced into retirement on ill health, there is was talk of dementia, paralysis, and mental illness.. I have taken photos off all i saw as they were too big for photo copies. but i am not allowed to put them on here for you to see, but they are my records.. My gt granddad was sent to a lunatic asylum.. he was very ill mental, and dementia and possibly a danger to himself,, who know’s what it was but there was mention of Syphilis being caught.. he did have 6 children in his time his younger two who were my granddad and my gt aunt never really knew their dad, he was put in the Asylum just after my granddad tuned 5 and his younest daughter my gt aunt was 2 and he died about being in nearly a year my granddad himself was not even 6.. By this time i really felt for my gt granddad what had he gone through why was he drinking, what caused it but i also felt for his wife, my granddads mum and a single mum to 6 all be it some were older and in their 20’s and probably helped to look after her and the babies.. i think she lived into her late 70’s early 80s and she died of brittle bones.. and early cancer,, one of the first.. and yes i have records of that too,, So right now i am reflecting a bit,, but i will find the plot to his resting place and go see him like i did his wife and i can lay them to rest and be reunited in my mind they are together again, and my granddad is with me helping me.. i will let you know how i get one..

By Debbie

HOBBIES

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I know it’s been a little while since i did a blog and that’s down to it being college/school holidays here, eldest of one week and youngest of the following week, so there has been no time..

on previous posts i touched on my love of photography be it old manual cameras to digital, i just love photos..and i can say yes its a love and a hobby too, but it’s not my only hobby..

Years ago i was introduce to cross stitch and the array of lovely patterned pictures you could get,, I have done many over the years and i make them and put them i a box and do nothing with them,  its a shame..

I ended up going through my box of bits as school were in need of some materials so i gladly passed on some old thread i was no longer using and some material i had done nothing with over the past 2 years.. But it made me think about my cross stitch again..  the pictures i have made and the ones i have to finish off and  new ones and i will start doing these soon..  its something i used to do when my babies were little or before work ect but there seems no time in the day for cross stitch at the moment but i will also do something with the pictures i have finished, be it mount them in a frame and keep them or sell them for charity,, either way they won’t be left in my box..

Also a very  good reason that some hobbies don’t get done so much is down to social media like facebook and twitter, it wastes so much time.. yes i am guilty but can social media be classed as a hobby or a pain and drains your life away ?? 

Digital Photography

I know i blogged about photography a bit yesterday, well thought i would do a little on the digital photography, now i use a Canon IXUS 105 12.1MP digital camera.. 

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As you can see its quiet a compact little camera, but it is very good at what it does, like all digital cameras it has its Auto settings, as well as Manual and you can also do Video clips as well, which i do love to use.. mostly of my young son doing something silly,, 

My Camera uses a media card like most cameras these days, but when i have uploaded my to my PC i then tend to move them onto my external hard drive, just incase anything was to go wrong with the Memory on my PC, then i know that my photos are safe, sometimes they get put onto disc but rarely.. 

Something i do like to do even once i have uploaded to various web storage places for people to see, I do actually print some off,  To keep,. they either get put in picture frames, or albums, cause i do love to have a hard copy too..

With Digital its so easy to delete a photo and its gone forever, and that is one of my biggest fears with digital, but the best thing about digital photos is the fact that i can send photos via e-mail or Facebook for family members to see who don’t live very close by to see how the family is doing..

I would love to know if you print your photos or and keep them or display them .. 

 

Photography

One of my first loves is Photography, I have been taking photos since i was about 16 when i was bought a Nikon FE3 for my birthday from a father, and with his help took to it like a duck to water, back in those days I i am talking about 27 years here, that photos were taken on a roll film and how odd does it feel to say that.. Roll Film!! for those who don’t know you had a film inside a case that you had to put into the camera via a door in the back, and secure it in by means of pulling a little bit of the film and wind it on to a winder securing it and making sure only enough was done so not to get light on to the Film.. close door to camera then you can begin to take photos, and these were then developed at a camera shop or chemist like boots,,

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managed to find a pic of it too, and my it looks complicated now.. 

Now i use a compact digital camera, nothing too expensive or flash but it does the job i need it to  do.. There are many of my children obviously but for now those won’t be put on here as i am anon at the moment.. but i also take a lot of scenery distant photos as well as close ups..

I love to go to walks and take photos as a way to de stress but it is also a pleasurable moment just being at one with the nature too. I find both winter and spring magical, you have the ice and snow in winter and the flowers that bloom in the spring, i do take a lot of photos of wildlife too like birds, horse, wildfowl as well a steam and machinery,,  i am only a armature photography but i do like what i take too.. Years ago i passed a BTEC in taking and developing my own black and white photos, and boy that was a great feeling to get your won picture you have taken and developed yourself,, such an achievement.. 

Below is one of my photos taken this winter

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Bullying and Bullies

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As you can see from the title this blog is about Bullies, Bullying or being Bullied, now i have been compelled to blog about this because of several reasons.. Now as a Child i was bullied, firstly from a sibling, then from so called peers from school, it was always the girls that bullied me never the boys.. I was far from a girlie girl and certainly not a tom boy either, I was me, not a sheep, i never followed others or fashions and i don’t now..

When i was growing up i was like any normal girl with good friends in the village i lived in then puberty hit and all hell let loose,  ok i developed in the normal way, boobs, periods and hair ect that is normal,  But i ended up with a hairy top lip, i thought this was normal, mum had it nan had it ect but non of the other girls did though.. Lucky them,.  so i got ridiculed about it, yes it pissed me off, but other than shave it which mum would not allow, i had to leave it and put up with the bullies, which in turn knocked myself esteem.

At home was not different, my sibiling was just as bad teased, kicked and punched me.. which my parents never did listen to me about my older male sibling.. and branded a liar by my father.. 

years later I found out i have a hormonal problem called PCOS which is why i have more hair than normal cause its the mail hormone that causes, so here goes, tip lip, chin, inner thigh . and it causes miscarriages too but that’s another blog. 

The Bullying carried on until i was 15 and left school and with low self esteem (which i never knew until 2 years ago).. I ended up dating a man who took me away from it all and i remained with him for a very long time, about a 1/4 of a century.. and 2 kids but that ended last year and he himself was a controlling person,. I became more a mother/sister to him and caring for him.. anyway that’s over..

Then i joined a support group for parents of poorly children, and after a couple of years i became the subject of a bully, or should i say a fellow mum with a poorly child who i supported for many months and for some god for saken reason i became bullied. Bullied for Months until i was not going to confront them anymore, there was no reasoning, i had done no wrong, i was a emotional wreck, i lost who i was.. so i did what anyone does i used the block button, and reported for no one to do anything.. but they are still out of my life 8 years on and i prefer it that way.. 

Now what gets me just lately we have the world of twitter, facebook for them to get there bullying teeth in to innocent people who are trying to support others, 

I have 3 mates on social media sites who in the last few months some more recent of cyber bullies or haters as we call them,.  

In my mind these bullies are the lowest of the low, they play with peoples minds, you know you have done know wrong but you end up doubting yourself and appoligising for stuff you have not actually done.. 

Whilst i have made some good new friends, i still get hurt, normally by men who are the Perverts of the world but there not really bullies, i now try not to judge anyone anymore as i went through a faze of not trusting anybody or they were a potential bully…

For one Reason or another i ended up having Therapy. i was not depressed just needed to find out why i was like i was, the person who i had become, I am  caring person at heart, but i have a pain phobia as i direct result of being bullied. if i think i am going to get hurt in anyway the Shutters come down, it does not have to be a physical pain like you get with needles, its a think your going to get pain as in like these walking, talking, dancing robots, i think they are going to make a bee line for me and attack me,  stupid i know,, I had a fear of strangers as in people in the pub, drs.. i would be the Shy quiet one at the party for fear of being hurt in some way..

But i have moved on, I managed my phobia, i can talk to strangers, i mean for pete’s sake i can skype a stranger i have met on social media if i think there ok, and BULLIES will always be dealt with the same. Up yours,  Fuck off and block, even name and shame them.. but one things for sure if my mates get pissed off by bullies I get really mad when i find out but i will not interfer with the situation as it can make things worse, But i offer advice from affair by means of DM’s or E-mails.. Bullies of all forms need to be stopped, it messes with peoples lives except their own,, which is probably a very sad life they lead cause every one will hate them, 

and Karma is such a great thing it comes and slaps you when you lease expect it.. So those who are being bullied, go on do whats right and stand up and report them, you be heard.. 

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Reflection

Reflection,, or probably reflecting.. its something i do from time to time, maybe its a good thing to reflect on things past, somethings are good some not so good.. but since i found myself a single mum at the beginning of last year its something i have done a far bit, not weekly or monthly but at times when i am on my own, which to be fair is not that often.. but i think it is helping me quite alot…  

Yes sometimes i get upset at the fact my relationship did not last, but we gave it our best shot, over 20 years, we never married but may in hindsight that is a good thing as No Divorce to go through.. the things i think are more of trying to work out where it went wrong, but there are lots of little tiny things over the years but nothing a great deal but we mainly grew apart, there is nothing i could have done to prevent that, i was always trying to change to make sure everything was good, but deep down the more i reflect i think the less we had in common.. in the early days there were lots, but as we grew older we stopped doing the things we had in common and we ended up doing our own things in the end,, me with the children mostly, working, various clubs with the oldest,.. and he worked,, but it doesn’t really matter to be honest.. because it was a relationship that was going to fail from the beginning as the other party never really wanted the relationship side of things, but more of a mother/sister figure which was fine until the children came along then i think it all fell apart, especially when you have one with a disability, stresses change and the whole relationship changed… if we hadn’t had parted now it may have happened when kids grew older only cause it is probably the kids we had in common which is really sad… 

I feel much happier in the fact that i can now move on with a new life or well a different life, my life for me and my kids, doing the things that make me happy and by boys and not me making everyone happy except the person that counts,.,.Me.. 

Me is Happy, Me Is Moving on in concentrating on me right now,, getting fitter for my health and loosing some weight for my own medical reasons, and so far things are going well.. there are times when i think why me, why us, but i am not alone in the world of singledom.. and i won’t be the last either,, but i will carry one with the reflecting but not in a bad nasty fed up way but in a good way…thinking ahead to the good times too that may be laying round the next corner..I of course have no idea as to what that may be but i know it will be good.. Image