Feeling Low

I have been stuck in a vicious circle for a few days..  and not sure how to snap out of it.. despite having CBT counseling 2.5 years ago.. as you know i am single and have been 25 months now and yes it was the best thing to happen after 26 years..  but the person i had to leave is a controlling person whether he knows it or not..  now things were going ok when we first parted with regard to child payments..  but he hardly saw his children the first year as he ran off to work and he freely admits that to his GF..  but now his messing with the payments as one of the kids doesn’t want much to do with him right now after some stressful situations on the fathers part.. so now the payments have been stopped and only pays when he feels he needs to so could be a week late 2 weeks late and by time cheque clears its even later.. Sadly his started holding money to ransom so i don’t get it until i do something he wants like get said son speaking with him or wanting info on said son, but said son is now an adult so he said no,, and i am not going to go running to his father just to get my cheque.. 

But now i feel low with my self for trusting that he would pay all the time on time like he promised,  why did i ever believe him after all he lied to me thats why we are single, the trust has gone.. and i have started to get my anxiety back, my panic attacks as well as mood swings,  why oh why when he has moved on with a New GF living with him, a new dog, his own company, will he not allow me to be happy and get on with my life.. i feel totally stuck again, its as if i am back there living with him,, why does he want to control my life.. Image